I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
