I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
