Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize