but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
