Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Do you have feelings for this penis?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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