drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
