I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
