I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
