They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
