Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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