My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
What a dumb baby whore.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
