Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
