roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
