Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
