Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
