I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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