hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
