She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
