she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
