Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Houston, we have a blender
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
