i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
