she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
