I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My bed smells like the plague
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize