You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
