You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
