After last night, I could never be a politician.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
