did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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