Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
