i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize