This is not my ceiling
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
