Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Randomize
