i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
