Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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