Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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