We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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