where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
