I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
