im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
