you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize