Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
What a dumb baby whore.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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