Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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