All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
