she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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