Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
