I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I need to calm my uterus...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You are a genius and a whore.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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