You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
