Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
