i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
