apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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