Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
