Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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