I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
