I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
