I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
