What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
