She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
