I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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