I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
