How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
