I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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