just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
