I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
