dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
