If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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