He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
