sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
