I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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