wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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