she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize