Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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