so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
