and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize