Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
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