thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
