I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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