I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He passed out mid-signature
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
