Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
