So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my shit smells like andre
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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