the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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