I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
