ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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