I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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