Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
