Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
