I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm both gender and math confused
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
