Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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