your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
