The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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