Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
