I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize