Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
