there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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