Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
