When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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