meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
