you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
