Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
