Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
