I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
