Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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