Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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