My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
