By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
