she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize